My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
