yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
