I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
