i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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