whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
