Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
A bitchslap is in order.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
