Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
