he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
