I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It's Friday. Sex?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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