Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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