hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
