I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
