i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
