I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
