I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize