I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
