So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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