this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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