ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
