Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
