I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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