The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
