I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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