Apparently you make a good broom.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
