okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
