Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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