i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
