1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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