i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize