"it" just moved
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
