i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
