onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize