I want to make a zoo with you.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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