I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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