I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Randomize
