I skipped work to stalk him.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
