i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
