SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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