We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
