OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
