I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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