youre lurking in front of me
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
