the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize