If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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