Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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