They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
