I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
