guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
