i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
