So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
