By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
