The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
