I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
