So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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