I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
