walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
