I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
