if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
