gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
