You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
