I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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