They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
