Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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