Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
