Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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