Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
