did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i came on her dog
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
