I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
