You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Drake has all the answers
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
